I’ve got a new word to teach you today: the uncanny valley.
It’s got a nice October ring to it, right? Spooky. Mysterious. Intriguing.
I never knew what it meant though, until I learned about Selena Gomez’s teeth.
Jessica M. Golden, Have you noticed that everyone’s teeth are a little too perfect?, The Washington Post.
The uncanny valley hypothesis states that when an object starts to look more human, people’s affinity for it also increases—up to a point.
When the likeness nears total accuracy, though—almost human but not quite—affinity drops dramatically and is replaced by a feeling of eeriness (or uncanniness), until the object achieves true human likeness, like the robots in Westworld.
Hence, the “valley.”
Do you remember that Polar Express style of animation that everyone hated? Tom Hanks… but not? That’s the uncanny valley.
Everett Collection
It’s (one reason 😳) why people were so terrified of the 2019 Cats movie; why movies like Invasion of The Body Snatchers and Us are so unsettling; and why there’s a whole subgenre of Black Mirror episodes about AI-ish people that aren’t quite right.
So anyway. The teeth.
A couple years ago, this article about celebrity veneers completely ruined my life, and now it's about to ruin yours. Like the haunted videotape from The Ring.
The article profiles a TikTok dentist who analyzes the smiles of various celebrities. She does a lot of before-and-afters, explaining why human teeth look and behave the way they do, and why those bright-white, giant chompers look so bizarre.
You’ll know the smile when you see it, and you’ve probably seen it everywhere. Teeth as white and even as a row of dominoes, devoid of any meaningful identifying features. The smile is indiscriminately scattered among every person in the movie or show you’re watching, regardless of the character’s socioeconomic status or the historical period in which they reside or how many cigarettes they smoke.
And listen. Lots of people have them. Like, almost everyone. Even feminists like Emma Watson and cool, funny girls like Emma Stone, both of whom had perfectly adorable teeth before.
From top left: Emma Stone before; Nic Cage before/after; Emma Stone after; Emma Watson through the years.
So sorry, Reader, but you’ve been infected.
The teeth are too big. They’re too similar in shape and size — to each other, and to everyone else’s. They’re way too white. And everyone’s smile looks exactly the same.
You’ll never be able to unsee it.
I was going to show you a photo of the shaved-down, rotten little nubs that lie beneath the uncanny valley of tooth perfection — but they're honestly too upsetting.
Even in the best case scenario, you're destroying your enamel for life.
And for what?
To blend together into a single, humanoid mass of lip filler and bright white smiles? An illusory world in which the variations and idiosyncrasies that mark us as human are sanded away and forgotten?
...kinda like how everyone's writing sounded until 2012 or so, when we realized we could swear and make jokes and bend the rules of grammar, right?
Well, the bad news is, the sea of sameness is back like a bad penny. Reanimated by our good friend, AI.
In week two of The Craft, I ask the cohort to bring in a piece of writing they like, and we break it down to suss out the style, craft, and voice of the writer.
It’s everyone’s favorite week, because it demystifies the art and craft of (human) writing, pulls it down from its ivory tower, and applies those principles to writing the people in the cohort actually care about.
You should see what they show up with: A research-driven article on the cultural biases at play in the nonprofit sector. A field day of four-letter words just absolutely lacerating the goonies in Trump’s administration. A goofy movie recap from a famous essayist.
No one ever shows up with a formulaic sales page or launch email.
Because a) that shit is boring. It doesn’t inspire. (It also doesn’t work anymore.)
And b) anyone can do that, AI or no AI.
Using AI is way easier and more accessible than getting veneers — that's actually what's so overwhelming about the current quantity-not-quality content dump — but the result is just as sanded down and unnatural-feeling.
Almost human, but not quite.
Good writing has always been about resisting the pressure to conform. There’s no shortcut for it that doesn’t require you to sand down your personality or white out your incendiary point of view.
But you're already better at it than you think. And if you're willing to spend some time studying and practicing your craft, that shit will serve you for the rest of your life. (Unlike the shaved-down teeth behind celebrity veneers.)
Registration for The Craft (2026 cohort) opens October 24th. Until then, enjoy trying to watch anything without noticing everyone's teeth.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
P.S. Before you go... I made you a super weird playlist to go along with today's email! It's all songs about teeth! Lol.
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